Losing self to self

I tried to cut you out like a cancer but you keep growing back. I just can't seem to rid myself of the feeling that I made a mistake. That I wish you were still part of my life, like you wanted. I wish I could have been a better person, just at the time I didn't think I could be friends with you. I loved you too much or maybe not enough. If that makes sense. I just didn't want to see you with anyone else. I wanted it to be us. I understand though that you needed to try new things but I just wish I still had you in my life. Somehow I think it'd be better if you were. You made so many attempts to reach out to me and I just shut you out of my life. I'm sorry for that and I understand why we don't talk anymore. I guess we're just too far gone. Life hasn't been good since you left.