Adapting to Damnation

I should be reading, but here I am again. The new age idiot box. It seems that I sit in front of this screen and zone into the encoded messages sent in 0's and 1's. What are they saying? Is it about me? Are they telling the world what I'm doing? Are they Laughing at me? I am the smirk of discontent on the face of a child who just doesn't get his/her way. I was asked the question today by a teacher today who asked, "Bob, What are you going to do with your life?" I faltered to answer and now all eyes were on me. I had to think about it and I realized that I don't really know, So I responded by saying, "For the last 21 years of my life I've been going through the motions." "How so?" She asked.

I gathered myself and decided to reply in the easiest way I could. "Well, I was always told that I had to go to school. So I did. I was told that I had to sleep at night and work during the day. So I did. I was told to eat my vegetables, So I did. I was told I had to graduate High School and go to College, so I did. Then I was told that I had to pick a career, so I did. I was also told that one day I'd get married and have kids and I'll probably do that too. I followed the outline that was given to me, never stepping out of place. The only thing I've ever done that was 100 percent for me was my band, but even now I feel like it's become a repetitive ordeal where I just go through the motions. I was herded into a straight line where I chose a few twists and turns but i was always just herded forward. But to answer your question definitively, I have no idea, but I was put here for a reason. I was put here for more then just the normal."

Class ended, we all filtered out of the classroom. I thought about things for a while and how for the last year and a half I was so depressed, over what? Yea I cared and I gave two shits about it and maybe I still do but why? Because society tells me that's what I'm supposed to feel or because that's honestly the feeling I had within me. Sometimes I don't know. What I do know is that it's the best for both of us and maybe we'll cross again but I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Every person whose left me has taken a part of me because I put everything I have into relationships (that's why I have had so few, I can't keep giving it and getting let down).

Off to the gym.

Adapting to Damnation

Everyday passes with no accord; we share the light and process the adaptation, maybe we can step forward, from the bottom we burrow, and sink, and decompose. Fall deep into the shadow, and fear the comfort lost when you’re still part of your own skin. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore, in massive migrations we burrow to the center, to the center of the hollow earth. And they tell me the life I live comes equipped with consequence.

SIDE NOTE: If you are into the band Blacklisted I recommend reading their blog on here. Here's the link (http://www.imwithblacklisted.blogspot.com/). I gained a different perspective and a renewed love for that band. It is real and it is what hardcore should be.