February's arrows through hearts leave dead men come March

How can I write about love when all I know is pain? All I know is false hope and crushed dreams.

Anyway, my friend Missy is planning an event that, this year, that will benefit cancer research. It will consist of food, live music, booths, games, etc. The festivities will occur sometime in May. Not sure on the exact date. If you or anyone you know, knows of anyone who would be able to help out in anyway, let me know. Thanks!

Furthermore, I've been writing a lot more Poetry? I guess you could call it. I'm not sure if my form is any good but as far as I'm concerned, anything that art is art. No boundaries, no stipulations. Just you and the things you feel. Simple and delicate. Intricate and rough. You can thank my buddy Taylor.

Toes hanging off the edge of town,
the sidewalks ended, run out of ground,
and the sun slips through the sky, down,
while I stand in the lights of that old ford.

The engines still running into the night,
the tail pipe smoke curtails towards the moons light,
drifting like I used to, like I still want to, like I still am,
through a that old cemetery known as life.

Just another coal mining town, where children come to die,
Just another dead end road baring witness to time,
we were all friends, and we were nothing like them,
and we've got death constricted, wrapped tight.

I just don't want to continue to pretend,
like everything is still alright, like it used to,
and I can still taste that red lipstick on my lips,
look how clumsy time has made me.

mutterings

The ever so inviting sweet smell,
of candles burning, cigarette smoke and home cooked meals,
and the warmth that builds inside my bosom,
when I cross that white frame,
rushing through that screen door,
large bag of unwashed unmentionables,
left sitting on the floor.

I tied all my hopes to a string,
and cast them out into eternity.

we grew cold as the world grew old,
we grew apart, like magnets.

strong current of electricity,
burning holes at the bottom of my feet,
conductor, conducting, insanity,
grab hold.

"My Candle Burns At Both Ends"

I packed all of my things,
into a nike duffel bag,
and walked out into a blue morning,
into a small van with six friends.

Most of our time spent,
driving, waiting, sitting,
coarse straps of nylon,
wrapping us safely together.
The warm summer air my blanket,
a side panel door or a shoulder my pillow,
off ramp and on ramp,
starbucks bottled espressos fighting sleep.

Those bottles ringing off the pavement,
80 miles an hour down an empty road,
the spark of bright light and loud shatter,
dives deep into Babylon oblivion.
Seemed like we were going nowhere,
and still it feels that way,
All those hard wood floors,
and nights spent in our van.
How days used to seem to run together,
and how moments of insanity,
seem like moments of clarity,
and how the end was written in the creases of our faces.

I've prayed to wake up to those mornings,
to wake up in another place, another town,
All those nights thinking I wanted my own bed,
I find, now, myself addicted to white broken lines.
Sitting together in all those late night diners,
spent so many hours inside my own head,
because the only place I felt at home,
is in a van and on the road.

Twenty minutes of loud expression,
undeserving faces and mis fortunate ears,
ounces of self devourment ripping at cartilage,
sweat, sweat, sweat, for destitution.
This is my perfection. You can't take it from me.

Stalks

"A Ship Close to Harbor is safe, but ships were not made for this purpose."

In my heart, it is what it is and to those who wait, good things are bound to happen. A mantra that sits in my head. I want to meet someone that I can wake up to every morning and say, with every ounce of honesty in my heart, "I love you."



I grew up in a small town, that grew exponentially, outward and upward, forward and backward, where trees outnumbered the money in your pocket, and wealth was measured in grains of sand on an abandoned winter beach. We grew and our friends became withering stalks, and we watched them wave in the breeze, Dancing to the rhythm, bundling together in the moon lit marshes, a scene I hadn't seen since I was a child, when my father and I watched a storm roll in off the inlet. They left as quickly as they came, rotting into the earth, becoming mud and trampled beneath loud machines, slaves to a grind, men and women with no futures, to become chained to fruitless marriages at young ages, they want to be in love, so they make believe they are in love. they are resentful children whose parents "messed them up," they pray for their better years, so they buy big houses, and loud cars, and smoke pipes, and drink every night to dull the pain, just because they want to be stalks again, so they could measure happiness in grains of sand. Arise Colossus to a new day.


The constant is the dull stabbing feeling in my side, puncturing my lungs. The fluttering is blood loss.

I went to a wake today. I'm never good at those things. Life's been good for me but has come to test others in ways I could not begin to imagine. So why do I have to be happy while others hurt.


The stinking filth under my fingernails,
dirt coiled beneath them,
so I bite them lower.
In public I curl them into small balls,
into small fists wrapped tightly together,
hiding them from eyes.
I bite and bite until they sting,
I tear at the skin until its red and raw,
The hurt lets me know I'm alive.
I remember when I first started,
Sitting in the library in second Grade,
bored and uninterested in learning.
I began to nibble, and spit the chips to the floor,
I felt the pain of fingernails cut too short,
they bled for the first time.
No longer stinking filth underneath,
but dry blood crusting the edges,
embarrassment still coating my face.
I bite them not out of nerves but out of boredom,
I bite them sometimes to feel the sting,
All because life is living itself around me.
I am not living,
No Not Yet.
What a filthy habit I have.



I walked in,
Black Shirt, Black Slacks, Black Tie, Black Coat,
The feeling of remorse on my face,
The feeling of "I'm Sorry" and "My Sincerest Condolences."
I held you in my arms,
you hurt more than I could imagine,
I try to find soothing words,
There are none.
Your mother is gone and there's nothing I can do.
"She would never want me to quit,"
I cut out, I am no good at these things,
"She loved me so much."
The cruelest of places are when you are settled,
Right before you're going to sleep,
Sitting up at night wondering, thinking, pondering,
life and its mysterious happenings,
nothing but why's, why me's, and why her,
My heart sleeps with you on those nights,
May a part of me lay restless to soothe you to sleep,
May your God be generous in giving you peace,
In giving those you love peace.
We Used to play ball together, and joke,
You had a fire about you, you played hard,
Continue to play hard, because life's hard,
It doesn't recognize winners and losers,
just those willing to fight until the end,
and those willing to give up without incident.
You said there were no words to describe it,
There still are none.

Strays

The heavy hands of God baring down on you,
the pressure so inviting,
to crush our skulls.

Fearless are we who seek the bottom,
the lowest rung of civilization,
the essence of truth,

I have seen the sun and all hands reach to grasp it,
They have seen the sun and all hands reach to grasp it.

The river flows in drops,
through the cracks in old hands,
weathered and calloused.

Fear engulfs their young eyes,
terror embraces their expressions,
"Love No Longer Lives Here"

In shadows we dance and sing,
In filth we dance and sing,
In the dawn we dance and sing.

Each hair torn individually from my brow,
from the top of my head.

If you see her ask her about me,
Does she even think of me anymore?


"Cattle die
kinsmen die
all men are mortal.
Words of praise
will never perish
nor a noble name."

A Clenched Fist Becomes An Open Hand

Below is the transcribed version of Barak Obama's Inauguration Address. I saw it on TV (while sitting in a dentists chair having my teeth cleaned) and felt kind of "meh" about it. I rewatched it on youtube and read along. It's words carry a thousand pounds more weight than they did when I first heard it live. Enjoy!

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many.

They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met. On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn. Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages.

We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship. This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]."

America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.